I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
