its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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