There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
