So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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