he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
