Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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