i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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