paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize