I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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