i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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