would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
