I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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