glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
