My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
