smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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