Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
