apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
