trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
