yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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