Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
