When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Text me some of your sweat
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
