went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
