If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
