I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
