If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
