Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
