it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
