friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
