My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
MIDGETS
????
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
