you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
