I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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