I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
