I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize