watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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