I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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