Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
