I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
