Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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