I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
