the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
