I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
