Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize