seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize