Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
