It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize