On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
