he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
