Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize