Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
