grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
