Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
