wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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