____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
