I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
