How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
