the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I could make wine with my vomit
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
