I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
