We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
