I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
