question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
