WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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