I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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