I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize