Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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