Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
