In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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