everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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