I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
