I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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