I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
