Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
