Can i not drive my cunt home
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Help. Why am I so naked?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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